“In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you than the front.”

This weekend I’m throwing the boy and the dogs in the car, and we’re tromping down to Georgia for Ben’s brother’s graduation and for Memorial Day celebrations. We’re staying at Ben’s brother’s new house in the country so I’m sure I will come back with lots of photos of firearms our lovely stay. I’m excited […]

Frankly, Mr Shankly

Lately, it seems that I love a shirt or an outfit until I see a picture of myself in it. Then, I end up vowing never to wear such an atrocity again. The only time I haven’t thought this is when I saw pictures of me in my Halloween costume. Evidently, the butch lesbian with […]


A few years ago, immediately after my birthday, I was speaking to my brother about feeling old to which he responded, “Do you listen to talk radio?” When I replied that I didn’t, he said, “Then you’re not old.” My ears continue to burn at the mere mention of Rush or Dr. Laura, but I […]

“If this were a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break.”

In my quest to advance my skin beyond the need for pesky things like pores, I have been trying out new skin care products. Luckily, I was able to quickly find a dreamy moisturizer which is so wonderful there really should be a religion centered on it. (It’s pricey, but that tiny bottle has lasted […]

“Like any good newsman, I believe that if you’re not scared, I’m not doing my job.”

Lately, I’ve been feeling like this: In my weakened state, I have been doing things I know absolutely better than to do .. like looking at Fluevog Shoes clearance page. This is my last chance to rescue these poor orphaned shoes before they’re chucked out in the wild to never be sold again. Compassion overwhelms […]

“Don’t take away my Big Gulp. I don’t like to drink something unless it’s big enough I could drown in it.”

After a fantastic multi-month streak of successfully dieting and FINALLY losing all of the weight I gained from being on Prednisone (close to 25 pounds!), I buckled last night and ended up being bad. At 2am, I ate a bowl (ok a bowl and a half) of Raisin Bran. That’s right I BINGED on BRAN. […]

“Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.”

I can’t decide which I want more: these shoes or the ability and confidence to wear them. I’m almost positive that four inch heels would set off my acrophobia. Although I’m pretty sure a lovely trench coat would make me feel alllllll better.

“He looks very Prison #35689. Oh, that reminds me of my penpal…”

I had someone compliment me the other day in a way which rivaled Damon’s “You are the Goldman to my Berkman.” It was: “You’re in my brain’s Wikipedia under ‘cloche hat’ and ‘windswept and interesting”. That’s stature, my friends.

“What was the Taj Mahal but an episode of Pimp My Afterlife?”

It seems as if they have imported a Nazi into the gym to help the ranks of new hires there. The Naziator terrified me today in unspeakable ways. However, she also taught me how to do one of the machines correctly (as I had been told the wrong way to do it). Oh, how my […]

“OK, rule number one. Unless you’re served in a frosted glass, never come within four feet of my lips.”

At every booksellers’ convention there are always tons of tote bags being given away which either promote a publisher or a particular book. Thus, I always have a ton of them around the house. I usually just grab one without thinking about it. Several weeks ago I randomly picked one up and have been using […]