“The south has been crippled by a winter storm – or as they call it, the weather of northern aggression.” — Stephen Colbert

1. This was the line at Publix yesterday: I couldn’t see the cashier when I got into line, but I was happy to later discover it was my one friend who works there. She commented that based on the customers’ behavior and what they were buying that it wasn’t a winter storm which will last […]

“When people tell me I’m going to regret that in the morning, I sleep in until noon because I’m a problem solver.”

1. A young man I know made the statement, “I remember it like it was yesterday” and my first thought was, “You’re 23. It basically was yesterday.”

Soooooo, I guess this means I’ve started the steep descent into becoming a bitter old woman. I just need to learn to stomach coffee so I can cradle […]

Nobody makes me bleed my own blood – nobody!

THIS is actually a real thing that is going on at the college nearby. I want to win a trophy, but I REALLY want that tank top. And the chance to nail some of the local college kids in the head. I have 8 years of pent up anger over the ridiculous behavior of […]

TRACY: “I’m gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?” JACK: “I’ve got two ears and a heart, don’t I?” (–from 30 Rock)

The only reason I started watching the show Property Brothers was because I thought Jonathan Scott was the most hideous good looking person I’ve ever seen.

It’s how he does his hair and his facial hair. It reminds me of the “makeover” in Team America:

Of course, what started out as a […]

“Da Vinci Code” author Dan Brown has a new novel coming out in May. You can read an advance copy by reading his last novel.” –Stephen Colbert

Things That Have Happened Since I Last Posted:

1. Due to a family emergency, we now have a new roommate. A member of Ben’s family living with us for the time being. I’ll refer to him as GSP from now on because it’s a little eerie because he looks exactly like George St Pierre. In […]

“I’m the opposite of Winston Churchill. Always, always, always give up.” — K-Lo

1. Well, I didn’t win the lottery this week. Of course, this isn’t surprising considering my luck AND the fact that I didn’t play it. But still – it’s disappointing nonetheless.

2. We’re still anxiously waiting for the results of Ben’s DNA results from ancestry.com It doesn’t help the waiting to read articles like […]

“I’m so angry I’m going to make a list of insults from the internet and use every one of them THRICE!”

1. I showed a friend how to do Turkish Get Ups and she said I looked like a corpse being reanimated.

You have your strategy for the Zombie Apocalypse. I have mine.

2. Our upstairs neighbors continue to be rambunctious. The other night we were wakened in the middle of the night to a THUD […]

“Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.”– Johnny Carson

Sorry that this Friday Five is being posted on Sunday. Blame Ben for poisoning me on Friday evening. He was making himself a protein shake and I asked him if he would double it so I could have one too. I was ridiculously excited but my favorite food is anything which isn’t made by me. […]

“I heard there was a big campaign for new guy, saw Kony 2012 signs EVERYWHERE, so I just wrote him in. Seems like he’s good with kids and stuff.”–Ben

1. We watched a movie (for the second time) where this was one of the monsters/bad guys:

The first time I saw this I was in the theater, and I went straight home to research the character. (He’s only in the movie for a minute.) This time we watched it at home, with the […]

“Put a razor blade in a Snickers. I’ll eat around it.’ — every kid who ever got a box of raisins while trick or treating.” — Patton Oswalt

1. Last Friday, we went to a local haunted house, Nightmare on Pendleton, with friends. Well, with friends, one of their teenage sons, and two of his male friends. Before we met up with them, they had stopped by Hot Topic. Instead of coming out all gothed up, they came out wearing cat hats. I […]