“The south has been crippled by a winter storm – or as they call it, the weather of northern aggression.” — Stephen Colbert

1.  This was the line at Publix yesterday:

I couldn’t see the cashier when I got into line, but I was happy to later discover it was my one friend who works there. She commented that based on the customers’ behavior and what they were buying that it wasn’t a winter storm which will last a couple of days, but the apocalypse where we will be housebound for at least a month.

Ahem.

I looked at my cart like, “That’s it! I’m just overreacting. It’s not as if I would really eat that much in a week! Excuse me while I now avoid eye contact.”

2. Ben’s brother, posted this weather forecast on ye ole Facebook. I relished an opportunity for it finally to be appropriate for me to tell someone that I was sorry they were F-ed.

(I’m in A1, but Ben’s family is in the F zone. I can handle snow, but ice is impossible.)

3. Last Saturday was the 37th annual Green Valley Road Race. I was excited to participate in such an old local race. Actually, I was just excited that it was older than me (barely.) There was a 10 miler & a 5 miler (well, 8k.) When the race first started in the 70s, those running the 5 miler would all hop up in the back of a pickup truck which would take them to the halfway point of the 10 miler. They would then run back from there. Thankfully, the world has advanced and the 8K is now on a separate course so I wasn’t forced to ride in the back of a pickup with a bunch of strangers.

I’ve been training for this one for a month. Either running the course itself (which is essentially hill work) or doing speed work (in the form of 5k races). My goal was to run sub 9 minute miles which was an aggressive goal given how challenging and hilly the course is, but I thought I had a good chance based on my training runs. I was quite excited and thought I would place in my age group. (I won in my age group at one of the 5ks in January. It was FANTASTIC, and I decided I need to do it more often.)

Anyway, I was really looking forward to this one. So, it was a bit of a disappointment that it ended at mile 3 with me in tears begging a stranger – who I didn’t think looked like she would kill me – for a ride back to my car. Whether the tears were from the pain of running on a torn adductor muscle or from the pain of having to slow to such a crawl that I was passed by a pair of SPEED WALKERS dressed in MATCHING RIDICULOUS OUTFITS, I’ll let you decide. Sigh.

I’m not as inconsolable as I was about it on Saturday, but I am still down about how it turned out. I just worked up the courage to look at the race results and I would have placed first in my age division even if I had just run at my “easy” training pace. Double sigh! The injury didn’t even happen when I was running. (I don’t know when it happened. As soon as I started my warm up right before the race, I felt as if I had been kicked between the legs. It was painful. I thought maybe it would go away or ease up. After two miles and the first two hills, I realized that was an incorrect assumption full of agony and regret.)

4. I’m following the RICE protocol (Rest, Ice, Compression & Elevation.) Well, actually I guess I’m just RIC-ing it as I don’t even know how you could comfortably elevate your pelvic area and still have any self respect left. Hopefully, it will all be better by my 10k on March 1st. I must AVENGE myself! I mean – Speed walkers. SPEED WALKERS. THE INDIGNITY OF IT ALL.

5. When I finally got home it was an ordeal because I couldn’t actually get out of my car by myself. (I couldn’t stand up or walk.) Ben had to hoist me out. Our wedding vows definitely did not mention extracting your spouse from her vehicle as she is sobbing uncontrollably at a ridiculously early hour on a Saturday morning. But it’s too late for a refund now, sucker!

When I finally got inside, I tried to contact someone from the race to let them know I wouldn’t be finishing and not to worry about me. However, there wasn’t any contact information listed on the website. So, I figured they had all my contact numbers from when I registered if they needed to follow up. They never did which makes me think twice about the safety of my racing. Someone started (as I picked up my bib which was only available the morning of the race) but never finished and no questions are asked. Hmm.

I always figured there were plenty of people around and it was okay. But by that third mile I had to slow down so much I was out there by myself. I tried asking another female runner for help but I was gasping so much all I got out was, “I’m hurt.” She responded along the lines of, “No pain, no gain!” and wobbled passed me without a second glance.  Finally, I was able to get help but it was after a half mile of barely being able to walk and wondering if I was going to have to start crawling.

The whole experience left me feeling uneasy. I ordered a Road ID which makes me feel a bit better. It’s like this:

except for the motivational motto at the bottom of mine reads, “Suck it up, buttercup!” But only because they don’t allow expletives and DAMN THOSE SMUG SPEED WALKERS.