1. Leslie has been all pouty because she doesn't have a nickname. I think I'm going to give her a Jersey Shore-esque one. Right now, I can't decide between L-Sizzle and L-Woww. Opinions?
2. For Valentine's Day, we're going to see Wicked! Of course, this is an opportunity to buy a new dress. Since Ben has the 1930s style suit, I decided I wanted a dress that looked like someone who knew NOTHING about the 1930s had been told to make a dress for John Dillinger's lady friend. (This kind of desire is why it so agonizing for me to shop.) Anyway, after a few weeks I found it:
Pretend the motorcycle is a Ford Model A. Or what someone who knows nothing about the 1930s would think a 1930s getaway car would be like. Perfect, right? Right!
3. I'm now ending week three of THE SICKNESS. I was out of work for a week for what I think was Swine Flu. (They only test for it if you die.) I've been back to work for the past 2 weeks but it's been miserable. I just want to be able to think clearly and not feel woozy all the time, thank you.
4. I'm introducing an author (of a VAMPIRE book) at the upcoming South Carolina Book Festival. I'm super excited about it! Or I was until I realize I can't even pronounce the author's first name. Um, if after the festival I never speak of the incident again – you'll know why.
5. Tomorrow night is the costume party – woo! Unfortunately, the Coraline to my Other Mother doesn't think she'll be able to come due to flooding. I've been trying to convince Ben or Bryan they'd look stunning in a blue wig and yellow wellies. Alas, they don't seem to be buying what I'm selling. Sigh!
Last Friday we drove down to see Ben's family since we weren't able to go down for New Year's as we usually do. On Saturday morning, we got up early to go to the free outdoor range nearby. Ben's brother was there with a co-worker and his 3 teenagers. The co-worker's wife is quite adamant about her dislike of guns: she refuses to have them in her house, doesn't want her children shooting them, and doesn't want her husband taking her children to shoot them. Thus, his way around this was by having Ben's brother take them shooting.
Um.
Not only did he take them shooting with a bagazillion different guns, but he videotaped it and took a ton of pictures. (Ben's brother is really awesome with guns. Knows a lot about them but isn't a know-it-all. He's excellent about being very detailed about all the safety precautions and keeping an eye on everyone.) I'm glad I was only there with the family at the range and not during show-and-tell with the gun-hating wife.
Then again, I like to take pictures as much as the next person. Here's Ben shooting an AR-15 and a Mosin. The Mosin shoots a huge fireball out of it along with a bullet. Fun times.
Recently, I bought a pair of yellow rain boots for a costume. I nabbed the ones that looked the most durable since I planned to use them regularly as well. Here they are:
Ben's first reaction was to tell me that people were going to think I was "special" if I went around wearing yellow rain boots. Today, as it was pouring rain I went goose-stepping down the sidewalk while asking, "WHO LOOKS MENTALLY DEFICIENT NOW?!?!"
I don't think I helped my case any.
I also don't think buying a blue wig (for the very same costume) helped abate my desire for blue hair.
 So, I've been playing a game called "Sorority Life" which I enjoy purely because when you level up you get cute new outfits and shoes. IT IS MY FREE TIME – I WILL SPEND IT HOW I LIKE!
Anyway, this picture to the left is a new an outfit choice in Sorority Life. It's called "Modern Japan Skirt & Top". Which one is the reason for the fishnetting across the tummy – "modern" or "Japan"? Is she planning to catch fish in her tummy net? See, you think this game is shallow but there's intrigue! mystery!
Of course, GayJay's immediate response to this was: "Do you get access to better antibiotics the higher level you achieve?"
Ahem! No, but you do get boyfriends that look like stoned frat boys so that might be a future add on to the game.
AND the best part is that you get to post various messages to say to your opponent whether you win a skirmish ("Boom you're seeing it") or lose ("Good girl, make it dirty") or just standing around looking pretty ("Oh, it's broughten!")
Today marks my one year anniversary of working my third job. This will be by fourth or fifth tax season at the CPA firm but my first full year where I've worked past tax season. Surprisingly, I actually adore bookkeeping. It's kind of a shocker because I don't love math. But I'm quite the fan of organizing — bookkeeping is glorified organizing! All those columns and tabs are enough to give me the chills. Is that subtotal winking at me? OH YES IT IS. And when everything doesn't fit: Mystery! Intrigue! Banging my head repeatedly on the desk because I can't figure out why I'm off five cents!
I'm kind of sort of MAYBE interested in going back to school maybe for full throttle accountancy but I will have to have a lot less on my plate before that's even a possibility. Right now, I'm very content there and at the bookshop. It's a nice fit for me.
A not nice fit for me is this True Crime marathon Ben has been on. The first week it was fine – even enlightening. I now know that one shouldn't be a cheap skate and use the same roll of duct tape to bind & kill as you use in your house. BUY A SEPARATE TAPE FOR KILLING, PEOPLE! However, after a month of watching stories of murderers I'm getting slightly paranoid. Although I must admit Ben's commentary is always amusing. "Of course it was an accident! No one would PURPOSEFULLY set a LeBaron ON FIRE!" And the theatrics as Ben has heart palpitations when the officer refers to the Lebaron as "just a car." The grizzly murder isn't nearly as shocking as the officers obvious lack of knowledge of luxury vehicles that transcend being mere cars & are true works of art.
If you’re not keeping up with my glorious facebook, you’re probably not on the up-and-up with the bookstore’s facebook either (where books about BOOKSTORE SUCCUBI are all the rage!) I had a lot of fun this past month doing a list of Demented Stocking Stuffer Ideas. Basically, I just looked at the books I was giving people and wrote down their titles – hee.
But, alas, here it is one lump post.
Miss Laura Llew’s Devious & Demented Gift Idea List
Demented Stocking Stuffer Idea #6: Kittenwar Card Game
“So cute it hurts a little!
This adorable take on the classic card game War features 100 kittens from Kittenwar.com, the top-rated Web site with a devoted following. KittenStats like “Stealth” and “Paw to Paw Combat” contribute to each feline’s overall score. Players build their kitten armies–and dodge the Kitty Litter–in three different game variations. Let the battle begin!”
Demented Stocking Stuffer Idea #5: Your Cat Is Just Not That Into You
“Forlorn cat owners everywhere will see themselves in this book–in the ‘I Guess Her Mind Is on Other Things’ excuse. In the ‘Maybe She Needs Her Own Space’ excuse. In the ‘Maybe He Didn’t Recognize Me in My New Hawaiian Shirt’ excuse. They’ll educate themselves about feline indifference through the Know Thy Kitty Quizzes. Test their cat’s I.Q. Take the Schnapps-Porsche Well-Adjusted Cat Owner Analysis. Discover Ten Ways to Suck Up to Your Cat, including #2: leave affectionate Post-its in her kitty litter.”
Demented Stocking Stuffer Ideas #4: Stuff On My Mutt 2010 Daily Calendar
Really good for people who may or may not have dressed their dog up in a green feather boa and a pink fedora for Halloween.
Demented Stocking Stuffer Ideas #3:”Cake Wrecks: When Professional Cakes Go Hilariously Wrong”
“Have your cake and laugh at it, too, with the sweet treat known as Cake Wrecks: When Professional Cakes Go Hilariously Wrong.
From the creator of the ultrapopular blog CakeWrecks.com, here are the worst cakes ever, including the ugly, the silly, the downright creepy, the unintentionally sad or suggestive, and the just plain funny. With witty commentary and behind-the-scenes tidbits, Cake Wrecks will ensure that you never look at a cake the same way again.”
Demented Stocking Stuffer Ideas #2:
“Why Is Daddy in a Dress? Asking Awkward Questions with Baby Animals”
Why face the embarrassment of dealing with life’s most awkward questions when adorable baby animals can do it for you? Let’s face it, I’m already planning to buy this book of postcards in bulk.
Demented Stocking Stuffer Idea #1: How to Survive a Robot Uprising
Bedazzled Vampires and Zombies are getting all the press these days but that doesn’t mean that Robots are not still lurking in the shadows plotting their coup.
“From treating laser wounds to fooling face and speech recognition, besting robot logic to engaging in hand-to-pincer combat, How to Survive a Robot Uprising covers every possible doomsday scenario facing the newest endangered species: humans. And with its thorough overview of current robot prototypes–including giant walkers, insect, gecko, and snake robots–How to Survive a Robot Uprising is also a witty yet legitimate introduction to contemporary robotics.”
I received a very kind e-mail from a lad who mourned my lack of recent posting and asked if twitter had, perhaps, taken blogging’s place. As if! Like I would let some vapid and dull substitute like twitter stand in for the glory of blogging!
No, it’s Facebook’s fault.
So, alas, here are some updates for ye olde blog for those of you who are not on Facebook.
Oh! But before I forget – one note about Facebook:
Dear Girl I Went To High School With,
Stop posting FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES about how you live OFF THE GRID. No one is buying what you’re selling!
Love, Laura
1. All I wanted for Christmas was a “Hit It And Quidditch” shirt. My nephew Justin (& my sister NoNickName Leslie and her boyfriend Eric) made it happen. Here’s a picture of me on Christmas Day all CRAZY EYED with joy:
2. However, the day after Christmas I found ANOTHER shirt I had to have. This one was under $10 and I nabbed it:
I must admit though that I’m very disconcerted by Princess Leia’s man hands and the fact it looks like she has a mustache
3. This year the town where the bookstore is located decided to have an Arctic Ice Sculpture Extravaganza! Unfortunately, they seemed to have forgotten that the town is in SOUTH CAROLINA which is neither “arctic” nor “ice” friendly. So, after the second night (of a four day event) it was canceled. However, this meant that every time I looked outside the bookstore’s backdoor there was a new ice creature dying. I’m happy to live in a place where we SLAY ICE DRAGONS ON THE SIDEWALKS!
4. The Evil Princess Amanda came over one night last week and introduced me to TWO GLORIOUS things.
A. Milkshakes made with EGGNOG instead of milk. Ohhhh heaven!
B. DDR. Yeah, I know DDR has been around forever. And the one time I tried to play it years and years ago was SO FUN .. until I looked up and saw the creepy old guy staring at me while rubbing his belly button. SO, I have to say that playing DDR in the comfort of my own home far surpasses playing it in that creepy religious fun park in Asheville where they have the “Ten Commandments” miniature golf course.
Proof of Ben playing it:
5. Earlier in December I noted on FB, “Man with heavy southern accent (even for here) is preaching about the evils of communism in aisle 12 of Publix.”
It was to that update that I received the funniest comment of the year via Shad Marsh,
“I like to do all my preaching in Publix. I find they are much more tolerant than those assholes at Bi Lo.”
via Yahoo News
“The Virginia couple who crashed a presidential dinner met President Barack Obama in the receiving line, the White House said Friday, as a “deeply concerned and embarrassed” Secret Service acknowledged its officers failed to check whether the couple was on the guest list.
The White House released a photo showing the Salahis in the receiving line in the Blue Room with Obama and Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, in whose honor the dinner was held. Obama and Michaele Salahi are smiling as she grasps his right hand with both of hers as her husband, Tareq, looks on. Singh is standing to the left of Obama.
….
The Salahis lawyer, Paul Gardner, posted a comment on their Facebook page saying, “My clients were cleared by the White House, to be there.” He said more information would be forthcoming.”
If there’s an incident with me where I’m in trouble with the secret service and/or the President, I would rather my lawyer not handle the matter VIA FACEBOOK.
Now, FB really needs an unlike button!
Finally! I made desserts for Thanksgiving that I was proud of – and there wasn’t a small fire in the oven this time or ANYTHING.
So, for my future reference here are the two recipes. The one for pecan pie is in the extended entry.
Basic Kentucky Chocolate Walnut Pie
(Evidently the name Kentucky Derby Pie is copyrighted or some such)
* 1 cup sugar
* 1/2 cup flour
* 2 eggs (beaten)
* 1 cup English Walnuts (yeah! English only! We’re Walnut Racists!)
* 1 cup chocolate chips
* 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
* 1/2 cup melted butter (1 stick) cooled
* 1 ready-made pie crust
1. Mis four & sugar. Add eggs, then butter. Add nuts, chocolate chips, and vanilla extract. Mix thoroughly.
2. Pour mixture into an unbaked pie shell.
3. Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven for 35-45 minutes. Test with tooth pick; pie should be chewy but not runny. Bake longer if necessary. (I baked it for about 55 minutes on the bottom oven rack….)
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